Weekend Recap

I ended up being so busy this weekend that I never got the chance to get back on and write. It was good to have a busy weekend for a change again though. I also had a lot of fun overall, now that I am FINALLY getting over this bronchitis or whatever it is I had.


Saturday I went down to Kenyon and Wanamingo with Ally and Ken. They wanted to see where I used to live. It was weird to be back down there. The farm is torn down and is no longer there and it was strange to see other people living in our old house in Wanamingo. I miss the house a ton…I however do not miss living in a small town. I was telling my parents if we could put our house in Wanamingo on the farm property outside of Kenyon I would want to move back really bad.


After we got back from down there we picked up Sam at her house and then Sam and I went to see Paul at the movie theater. It was really good, funny. I needed the laughs…laughter is good for the soul! After the movie we went to the Mall of America and stopped to talk to Jenica before meeting up with Ally at the Rainforest Café. LOVE IT! That is my new favorite restaurant. I finally got home from MOA around 11pm and went straight to sleep.


Sunday morning I got up at 7am and got myself ready for Mass at St. John Neumann Catholic Church. That has got to be my favorite place on earth! I walk in the doors and immediately feel myself relax and I feel comfortable…almost like I’m home. I decided after Mass that I really need to start going back to church on a regular basis because when I left I felt absolutely amazing. Between church and my 40-Day Purpose Driven Life Challenge for Lent, I am happier than I have been in a really long time.


After church Ally, Sam and I headed to the Xcel Energy Center for the MN Swarm game…the Swarm lost, but I am definitely a HUGE Swarm fan now! We all had so much fun at the game and didn’t want to leave before the game was over. Unfortunately, we had to leave when there was still almost an entire quarter left because Sam had to get to work. I will definitely be going back to a Swarm game. After we dropped Sam off at work Ally and I went to Turtle’s Bar to eat with Mama J. I, again, went to bed early that night because I had to get up for my 3-month post-op appointment on Monday morning…more about that later. =)

Its the Weekend!!

It is the weekend!! I got all this week's homework done for my editing class this morning. I will admit that I have been slacking a little bit. I had a rough start to the semester due to my surgery back in December, but I finally got back into the swing of things right before Spring Break. I managed to pull everything together and finish up a half-semester class and pass. However, since I returned from Spring Break, I cannot get back into school....again. This is a problem, obviously. There are only about 5 weeks or so left of the semester and I really need to buckle down and get things in gear. I really need to step it up in my Writing About Place class too...I am very behind. At least with this class my instructor is also my academic advisor and he is being so helpful and understanding with it all!!

Today I am taking a mini-road trip down to Kenyon-Wanamingo...where I lived most of my adolescence. I have not been down there, nor have I wanted to go down there, in a really long time. I think it has been since 2006 when I was down for Mack's funeral...I think...Anyway, I am actually excited to go down there with Allyson and Ken in about a half hour. I will have to take pictures and post them later.After I get back from there I am going to a movie with Sammie.

I am actually getting excited for tomorrow too!! The first nationally televised Minnesota Swarm (LaCrosse) game is tomorrow and the team gave me 5 free tickets in a suite as a "Thank You" for working with the American Red Cross. I LOVE MY JOB!!!

Well, off to finish getting ready and I will write more later...Love my life =)

Long Day

It was a VERY long day today....was up late last night with baby Gabriel! I love that he was so happy and giggly, but I would have loved to sleep. I was up until almost 4am and then was awake at 8am this morning. I was out the door by 11am to take a mini-road trip with some friends. Even though I am still sick, it was really good to get out of the house.

This afternoon and early evening I spent some time at IHCC in the EMS wing and realized just how much I miss EMS and my "EMS family" there. I really want to get back into being a teacher's aide this summer for the EMT class. It will help me stay current with my skills and also feel like I am still apart of the amazing community they have there.

As much as I do miss EMS and the "family" at IHCC, I do not regret for a second majoring in writing and going to MSU. I love writing, it is a part of me and I will never be able to change that. I wrote a poem back when I first decided that I was going to apply to MSU and pursue a writing career....

Fork in the Road

This fork in the road still taunts me

And is messing with my dreams,

It wants me to take the easy way

At least that’s the way it seems

But little does it know

I have my dreams in check

And if it tries to get in my way,

Well damn it all to heck!

I gave up what I love

To follow along this path

But since I took this road

Seldom do I laugh

The path I chose seemed logical

And the road has been fairly smooth

But what if I take the bumpy road

Instead of the one that will soothe?

Will I regret turning my back

On the obvious choice

To really follow my heart

And make sure I have a voice?

To save a life or inspire it

Why can’t I do both?

Can’t I be a writer

And still uphold my oath?

I promised to be an EMT

To grant first aid and care

Why should I have to give up writing?

That just isn’t fair.

I promise you I’ll be the best

At both the things I do

Now stop taunting me you silly road

Cause you don’t have a clue!

© January 7, 2010, Tawny Marie

POEM--Snow Globe

Snow Globe

Inside of the snow globe where dreams come true

And I have everything I want, including you.

Inside of the snow globe where happiness will never lack

And the best part about it is that I have you back.

Inside of the snow globe it is Christmas every day

And loving words are all you say.

Inside of the snow globe we play in the snow

And I don’t need to say the things you already know.

Inside of the snow globe everything seems real

And I never have to question how you truly feel.

Inside of the snow globe the snow begins to clear

And I start to realize my biggest fear.

Inside of the snow globe everything is fake

And although I want to, these things I cannot take.

Inside of the snow globe I feel no strife

But that is where I left the love of my life.

Inside of the snow globe I can see my heart

And I see that it is falling apart.

Inside of the snow globe you continue to move on

And I’ll learn to accept that you are gone.

Inside of the snow globe where dreams came true

And I had everything I wanted, including you.

Inside of the snow globe where happiness didn’t lack

And the best part about it was I had you back.

© Dec 26, 2009, Tawny Marie Michels

Thoughts Are Racing...

Thoughts are racing through my mind right now. I don’t know what to feel or think. I feel torn in many directions. I want to do something amazing in life; I want something to be happy and proud about, but right now I just don’t feel like I’ve done anything. I know that I have already accomplished so much in life, more than most 25-year-olds have even dreamt about.


My life has been full of trials and tribulations, yet I have overcome them all and still managed to keep faith. In fact, my faith is what keeps me going. I would not be where I am without my faith and trust in God. Without him, I would probably have given up on life…but I continue to fight. I know that this journey I am on in life will bring me to great destinations and that I will be able to look back on my life and be proud of who I have become.

I have made mistakes; I have taken the wrong path at times. I am not perfect and there are things I wish I could change sometimes. I know now though that I would not be who I am and where I am without all the mistakes that I have made throughout my short 25 years. At the end of the day all that really matters is that I know I am trying to be the best person that I can and that I am trying to better my life and the lives of those around me. I learned a long time ago that I may not be able to change the world, but I refuse to let that keep me from making an impact upon it.

This is me…take it or leave it!

Catching Up

I have decided that I really need to get back into writing...it doesnt matter what I write, as long as I write. I need to write in a journal, write for homework, write for fun, edit stories I've already written, write an article...something...ANYTHING!!!

The other day I was writing to my newest adoptee through Soldiers' Angels and I was talking to him about how I forgot how much I LOVE to write. I have missed it. I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize it. Writing isn't just what I do for school or for a future career, it is a part of me. It is embedded into my soul and I need to stop fighting it.

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind right now....I will have to take some time later today to write them all down and post...I sadly don't have as much time as I thought when I started this post.

Time to get ready for a girls day with Jenna!! =)

Short Story--Reflections

Reflections© Tawny Marie Michels

(September 2008)

 My thighs are too big, my eyes are too far apart, my ears are not symmetrical…how can this be what I look like? My sister is gorgeous, my brothers are great-looking, at least that is what all my friends tell me; how did I become this hideous freak of nature? Every time I look in the mirror it just gets worse. My brothers tell me I’m delusional, my parents say I am just being paranoid, but they have to say these things because they are family. I haven’t eaten in a week; maybe I should check and see how much weight I have lost—105, that can’t be right! I look in the mirror and see this hippopotamus but step on a scale and am perfect; how can that be? “Mom! This scare is broken!” I yell down the stairs to my mother. “MOM! Seriously, we need a new scale!”

“Brittyn, the scale is not broken,” my mother tries to reassure me as she climbs the winding staircase. “What’s the matter? Did you gain a pound or two? You look great, baby.”

“No, that’s not it. It actually says I lost 15 pounds but I don’t see it. I am huge!”

My mother rolls her eyes at me, “Sweetheart, you are not huge! You are perfect just the way you are.”

“Then how come when I look in the mirror I see a heifer? I get uglier every day, I swear it. Just look in the mirror with me.”

Soon after this conversation I am in my bed waking up to the sound of whispers outside my door. I can’t make out what is being said, but I can tell that the voices are my grandparents. Why are my grandparents here?

I don’t have time to contemplate this thought, the door knob is turning and my door is slowly opening as my parents and grandparents come to an abrupt halt when they see that I am awake and sitting up in the bed. I look at them inquisitively.

“Grandma, Grandpa…why are you here? I thought that you weren’t going to be able to come until Christmas?” I know this can only mean one thing, there is bad news to come. I realize that this bad news has to do with me when my grandma comes over and takes my hand.

“Sweetheart, we are concerned about you and your health,” my grandmother’s sweet, honey voice fills the room, but it echoes almost as though we are in an auditorium and she is talking to me from far away. “Grandpa and I think that you should come and stay near us for awhile. There is a wonderful hospital there and they can help you.”

“A hospital—what are you talking about? I don’t need help; I am just fine! I can lose weight on my own!” I am screaming by this point and turn to my parents, “You want to send me away because I am getting fat?”

“Fat?!” My father looks shocked, “We are sending you away to get you help to gain weight, not lose it. You obviously have an eating disorder, sweetie.”

“We want you to see yourself the way others see you. You have lost so much weight and you barely eat. You look sick; we are concerned.” This is the first time my mother has ever said anything other than how beautiful she thinks I am. Maybe they have brainwashed her. This is my grandparents doing. They always stick their nose in where it does not belong. They are just like the scale in our bathroom, broken and liars!



A week later I am riding in my brother’s Escalade to the hospital that is only 10 short minutes from my tyrant grandparents’ home, but a three day drive from my safe, beautiful home back in Michigan.

“Why are you so quiet Britt? Cheer up; you will be fine and everything will be good again.” I look into my brother’s dark brown eyes and am thinking how sweet he really is. He tries to act macho and tough because that’s what the girls like, but he really does care for me.

This is the first time I have felt that someone really cares and is trying to do what they believe is best for me. I start to think back to the past week of fighting, ignoring, acting like things are fine, and discussing how long I may be gone. I feel more like my parents are trying to get rid of me because they don’t want to deal with me anymore rather than what they claim about being concerned about my health.

“Here we are…” I blank out on what my brother says after that because I am too busy focusing on the large brick and stucco building that protrudes from the earth. It is almost a monstrosity when I think about it. This amazingly structured building surrounded by beautiful landscapes of rose bushes, flower beds filled with lilies and irises, fountains and man-made streams and waterfalls, and strategically placed benches is a work of art, but is taking away my happiness, my freedom.

Here I am, walking up a long, beautifully laid cobblestone path to the front door of a hospital that will be my home for God only knows how long. I remember being told as long as six months. I will continue to pray, as I have for the past week, that it doesn’t take that long. It would be torture, even worse than sitting at the reject table that one time I wore the same shirt twice in one week and my friends refused to sit with me. I remember how ashamed I was, but I am angry about this whole fiasco.

A seemingly nice lady, who introduces herself as Dr. Erica, shows me around the grounds before bringing me to my room. I don’t even get my own room, I have to share. I try to hide my displeasure with this; judging by the look she is giving me I am assuming my facial expression has betrayed me once again. Dr. Erica left me to unpack with my roommate nowhere to be found. My brother is lying on her vacant bed and is starting to supervise me unpacking my things. My clothes, hygiene products, a diary, and a few pictures and photo albums—my dad practically had to beg them to allow me to bring the pictures since they are not considered necessities.

It has been twenty minutes or so since Dr. Erica left us and I am getting ready to plop down on my bed and relax. A short, plump girl with curly brown hair and cat-green eyes is bouncing into the room. She quickly comes to a screeching halt at the sight of me—and my brother lounging comfortably on her bed. At the sight of her my brother quickly gathers himself and gets up from her bed.

“Sorry about that. It has been a long few days. I am Micah and this is my sister, Brittyn, she will be your roommate for a while I suppose.” My brother always tries to be polite with girls, even with a girl like this that I can never picture him with. I start to wonder why he does this.

“Hi, I am Mercy,” the girl says cheerfully and she shakes my brother’s hand. She then comes to greet me. She seems very nice, not the type of girl I would normally befriend and have slumber parties with.



August 13


Here I am…three months later. I am progressing slowly, but this is mostly because I just tell them what I know they want to hear; no I’m not fat, I am beautiful, food is my friend…and all other sorts of wonderful mumbo-jumbo. Mercy and I, surprisingly, are great friends! We crawl into her bed and stuff out faces with Oreo’s that we sweet talk the handsome college guy who works in the café into giving us. We laugh hysterically at the stupidest things until late in the night. Micah visits often—more often than anyone else in my family—he seems enamored with Mercy. I am fascinated by this because he had never shown an interest in the type of girl that she is. He has always struck me as somewhat shallow and into physical image.






November 3


Micah and Mercy inspire me to try and get better, see things in a different light. If not for them, and their oddly fascinating love for one another, I would be a bitter, angry girl walking around like a dark cloud. They make me want to better myself and my life; maybe I have been sheltered and shallow all these years. I never even entertained the idea that maybe there is something wrong with me, not everyone else, until now. It only took me a little under six months to come to this realization that maybe I needed to change my point of view, not the doctors. I am grateful to the last few months I have spent here.






December 3


I can’t believe this will be my last night in Hope Hospital. I am sad to go, but am glad that Mercy is also returning home. She has lost 45lbs since she has been here, and I have gained 30. We have vowed to stay in touch, and as it turns out she lives the next city over from us so she and Micah can keep in contact!



We do our usual, wait for head count and then I crawl into Mercy’s bed. This night is different somehow, I think to myself. We are both laughing, but we are also becoming very serious. We start to go over what has happened over the past months. Until now we have never talked to one another about why either of us was here, although it has been quite apparent to us both.

“So, why exactly did you have to come here? I mean, I know they said you needed to eat more, but why?” I love this about Mercy, she always gets right to the point, none of the beating around the bush like my friends back in Michigan.

“Well, every time I looked in the mirror I saw this hideous cow that needed to lose weight and no matter how much I lost, I felt like I was gaining.”

“Huh…that’s funny, I had a similar issue, although when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked perfectly fine and that there was nothing wrong with me.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with you Mercy; you are absolutely beautiful just the way that you are! Beauty is on the inside, not the outside. All the physical beauty in the world, in the way society looks at it, couldn’t compare to the beauty you have within yourself.”

“If you truly believe that, then why can’t you see it in yourself?” This question shocks and amazes me.

How could I have been so naïve? How could I not have seen what my brother saw in her from the start, a heart of pure love and beauty?

For the first time in possibly my whole life, I understand. Beauty does come from within. Physical beauty fades, but the beauty of the heart lasts for all eternity and can beam out from a smile, or from a person’s eyes, for everyone who is truly willing to see. Suddenly my life thus far seems to have had no purpose or direction, and my time with my “friends” back home seems like wasted minutes, hours, days, years of my life where I could have been out doing what Mercy just did for me—spreading beauty and love to those who truly need to see it.