Ughhhhh

Second full week of classes...and I already missed my Writing Children's Literature class. I have a massive double kidney infection and had to miss Thursday night. I am really upset about it, and I feel like I am already struggling through this semester. This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be with all my mom is going through now. I need strength.....sigh...

Well...

I will be having a surgical proceedure on Tuesday morning at 7:20am to have two moles removed. Turns out the are 98% positive I have skin cancer. They are just not sure what stage or exactly what type...although it is very likely melanoma.

Exhaustion

It is not even the entire way through the first official week of the semester and I am already extremely exhausted. Of course, this is due to the fact that I have a ton of other things going on in my life at the moment. I don't know how single mom's can handle full-time school, full-time work, and being a full-time parent. They are truly AMAZING women...and men for the single dad's out there. I don't have kids of my own, although I help take care of my nephew, I don't work...except for volunteer and help take care of my mom...I do have full-time school. I am tired all the time it seems. I am battling my own health issues, but still. Sometimes I think I am weak for being so run down through it all---and other times I think I am strong for being able to fight through it all.

Well, tonight is my first  night of my on-campus class...let's hope I don't get lost and overly stressed like I did last fall!!!!

Reality

Tonight I was killing sometime by watching a movie on ABC Family about bullying and how the “popular” and “A-list” kids (i.e. athletes) run the school and can make all the other students lives a living hell in high school. This reminded me of my own experience of high school and how bad the bullying was. I have heard so many sad stories of people being bullied there, and some even resorted to suicide. This makes my heart cry. I don’t understand how kids can be so cruel to each other.


Ultimately, when I thought about all of this I had to smile. Yes, I was traumatized by the years of bullying I endured during high school. Yes, those kids will probably never understand what they did to me…how they made me feel…how I still struggle because of what they did and said to me.


The best part is…IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER!! I am a strong, intelligent, successful woman. I have evolved from a timid girl who wouldn’t stand up for herself into an outspoken, confident girl who says exactly what is on her mind. I am not the same person they made me out to be. I am not a loser. I am not a failure. I AM ME!

Hit the Ground Running!

Fall Semester officially began at midnight. I am only able to access the schedule/homework for two of my four classes right now. I was feeling so overwhelmed when I saw how much work I have to do this semester. I have promised myself that I am just going to take things one day at a time so that I don't get too overwhelmed. I want to stay on top of all my homework, however, and somewhat plan ahead in case there are any unexpected surprises with everything else going on in my life right now.

I have already put my homework/study schedules into my planner for my two marketing/advertising classes. This will help me stay on task and make sure that I complete assignments on time. I have discovered that I do better in school when I can look at a piece of paper and see what needs to be done rather than reading it on a computer screen.

I have managed to finish all of this week's homework for my advertising design class. I had a bunch of reading, an introduction post, and two quizzes. My hope is that this will lessen the stress I have this week with my mom's chemo and radiation treatments...as well as minimize the panic effect when I see the schedules for my other two classes I have to start. My goal is to start working on my marketing class readings tomorrow so that I can finish those fairly early in the week as well and maybe even work ahead.

Now tonight I can relax...enjoy dinner with family for my cousin Sam's 22nd birthday and then watching the Vikings game on TV with my mama! =) YAY for relaxing!

PRAYING!!!!

Tonight, I was checking my school email account to see if there were any emails from my instructors for this semester as it is common for them to send a "welcome email" just prior to the semester beginning. I didn't have any emails from instructors, just the usual updates I've been getting a lot lately from the college. I usually delete most of them without even reading them, and have especially been known to do this with the Catalyst Newsletter. I don't know why, I suppose I just felt like I didn't have time.

I decided to actually read the newsletter tonight and I am VERY thankful that I did. There was information that the College of Arts and Sciences (the program I am in for my degree of creative writing) is looking for work-study and student workers for an office writing position. It is only 10-20 hours a week at $8.20/hr...with a 15 cent raise after one semester.

Although it is not much, it would be ideal for me right now. I would only have to work two or three days a week. This leaves time to focus on my four classes I am taking and also still help out at home and spend time with my mom. I have been praying almost non-stop since I saw the job opening. My family really needs this. I really need this!!

T-1 Day Until Fall Semester 2011

This week did not go as planned at all--to read an update and all the changes regarding my mom's chemo and radiation treatments go to: www.CaringBridge.org/visit/dianemichels

Fall Semester 2011 officially starts at midnight on Saturday August 20th. This makes me happy and nervous all at the same time. I feel so unprepared and overwhelmed for the next few months. I know that I wouldn't have this much anxiety if it weren't for all the things going on in my life right now. I am just going to try and schedule my time and make sure I give enough attention to all the important things going on in my life. I need to make sure to take some time for myself as well. My own mental well-being is just as important as everyone elses in the situation.

There is a lot of family drama going on right now and it is REALLY getting to me...but I am not going to talk about that right now.

I just wanted to give a little bit of an update about things and what I am feeling right now.